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[He's One in a Million]
Since the Boys TRL announcement on July 9th, the Backstreet web has been alive with news, thoughts and criticism on AJ McLean. When I heard the news, via an email from a friend, my first thought was "Oh my God!" I didn't know the specifics, but I was soon to find out. Many people that I've spoken to or chatted with online, including myself, considered AJ a walking time bomb. In my eyes, he was on a one-way path to self-destruction. I kept waiting for the day when I would hear that he was in rehab. I even started a story last September, called Sheer Will, where I have AJ battling alcohol abuse and just coming out of rehab. A strange coincidence of art imitating life. Despite my strong beliefs that any kind of substance abuse is never the answer to one's problems, I am not angry with AJ for abusing alcohol. Everyone handles grief, depression, anxiety and stress in different ways and although substance abuse is never the answer, it tends to be a way out for many people. That is, until it catches up with them and gives them even more problems to deal with. A lot of people don't recognize that they need help until they're in their 30s, some never, so I commend AJ for his courage and understanding that he has a serious problem that he needs help in dealing with. I've already started writing him a letter -- not a letter of pity, but a letter of understanding and encouragement. I never thought I would have anything in common with him, but after the news broke and I learned of his problems, I realized different. Because of my CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), I battle depression and I was stricken with panic/anxiety attacks until I started taking medication. I know how scary those attacks can be and I can only imagine how much harder it is for someone who's life is always being scrutinized and criticized. Bipolar disease (ie: Manic Depressive, Schizophrenia), Clinical Depression, and other related mental illnesses attack millions of people worldwide. It seems that every person I meet knows someone who suffers from some sort of bi-polar disease or depression. My mother and I both suffer from a certain type of depression that comes from having to battle similar illnesses that wreack havoc on our immune system. It took me a long time to do anything about my health and even longer to admit to MYSELF that something was wrong. I don't find it hard to tell people now that I've accepted it as part of who I am. One thing I never wanted and still don't want is pity. I doubt that's what AJ wants either and because of this, I am not supporting any ribbon, candlelight vigils, etc, etc. The best way I can think of to support him is to understand what he is going through by educating yourself. I never knew there were so many different types of depressions until my doctor gave me a book to read. I know a lot more than I did last year at this time (where I was just falling on sick leave and still didn't know what was wrong with me) and I'm glad that I took the time to educate myself. Yes, I did mention that I started writing AJ a letter. A letter that I intend on sending him once he gets out of rehab. Right now I think it's best to let him fight his demons and get on the road to dealing with his problems. Like AJ I grew up without a father. I know it's affected the person that I am today and we can see how it's affected AJ. Also like AJ, my grandmother practically raised me. She was like a mother to me and when I lost her to Cancer in 1994, some part of me died along with her. I've changed since then and there's an emotional side of me that was really affected and will always be. It was a strange coincidence that the news about AJ broke on the 7th year anniversary of my grandma's death. Some of the harshest critics are of course the media. The Boston Globe was one newspaper that ran the story on AJ as if his problems were one big joke. Not only were they rude and insulting, but they were thoughtless bastards. It sickens me that people can be so cruel. On the other hand, there have been positive media articles. The newspaper here, The Montréal Gazette ran a couple of stories. The first one was Tuesday, where they just related the news and the second one was today where they talked about depression and anxiety and dealing with it as a celebrity. It was an insightful and well-written piece and I was glad to see that they didn't bash or insult him. I found a quote in the paper last Thursday, in an N Sync review of all places, that I think is accurate and defines the positive side of the media's view on Backstreet, "Whatever respect N Sync craves, Backstreet Boys deserve for their classy annoucement this week regarding AJ's depression and alcoholism. A spin more suited to the group's flawlessly wholesome image could have been given for the tour postponement so it's reassuring to see a squeaky-clean group treat its audience with dignity by admitting that its members have unglamorous human failings." Finally someone has seen the light. I respect the Boys more than ever for not lying to us about this. They could have easily used Nick's broken hand or made up a story about why the tour was postponed. I'm sure that's what their management and/or record company wanted them to do. By sweeping it under the rug and pretending the problem doesn't exist won't make it go away. As Kevin said, the truth would have come out eventually. Especially with the Internet, there's not much that the fans don't know or can find out which is both good and bad.My love and prayers are with AJ and I hope that he takes as much time as he needs to heal. If 30 days isn't enough, then he should take more time. Rushing through therapy isn't wise and I honestly don't think 30 days can heal 23 years of heartache, among other things. In conclusion, I want to thank Backstreet for their honesty. Makes me damn proud to be a fan! I intend on emailing Mr. Jordan Zivitz to thank him for his quote. If you're interested, here's his email address: jzivitz@thegazette.southam.ca Marie-Alicia
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