Screams from Within

He heard the footsteps echoing down the silent hall. They were coming towards him. He didn't bother to look up until he heard a voice softly say, "AJ?" Only then did he dare to remove his head from his hands and look upward to the sound of the voice. A hand placed itself comfortingly on his right shoulder and gently squeezed it. He opened his eyes to the glare of the neons above and Nick's sorrow-filled face. "Hey Nicky Nick."

His attempt at joviality was far from successful and Nick nodded in understanding. He took a seat in front of AJ, pulling the chair closer. He brought his elbows to sit on his knees, resting his chin against his fists. "How is she?" Nick asked quietly.

"She's still unconscious." His voice was raspy from hours of crying. "Who told you?"

"Howie. I called Brian and Kev. They should be here soon. What happened to her, AJ?"

AJ looked surprised at the question. "Howie didn't fill you in?"

"No. Actually he seemed pissed about something and hung up quickly."

AJ swallowed slowly. A lump formed at the base of his throat as he thought about what had happened that morning. It's not like he had stopped thinking about it. It was at the forefront of his conscience every second. "Amanda was leaving for her interview at Disney. You know, the one she was so excited about?" Nick nodded and AJ continued, "After she left, I saw her resume lying on the table in the hall. I ran out to give it to her. She wouldn't let me come out in my bare feet so she..." he stopped and took a deep breath.

"It's ok AJ," Nick said softly, "take your time."

AJ wiped his forehead before he continued. "She opened the car door to throw her purse and stuff in and...and the next thing I knew the ground was shaking from this loud blast. I was thrown down on my stomach and watched as Amanda was also thrown...I don't know how many feet..." he stopped, his eyes filling with hot tears.

Nick looked positively stunned, his face gone white with shock. "Oh God, someone tried to kill Amanda?"

AJ nodded numbly. "Yea, there was a bomb in her car. God, I can't stop thinking...what if...what if I hadn't seen that resume? She would have gotten in the car...and...and-"

"AJ STOP IT!" Nick screeched, louder than he intended. "No what ifs. Amanda's not dead."

"No, but she may be paralyzed."

"I'm so so sorry..." Nick's voice trailed off as he stared at his friend helplessly. "If there's anything you or Amanda need..."

AJ cracked a small, but grateful smile. "Thanks bro."

"That makes three of us," Kevin said, sitting down beside AJ and hugging him. Brian plopped down next to Nick. "We didn't want to interrupt," Kevin explained, "but we heard everything. I'm really sorry, man."

"I've been praying for her," Brian added. "Kev and I went to the chapel and lit some candles. Believe in God's love, AJ, he'll get her through this."

AJ sniffled, wiping at his tears. "I hope so, Rok. I really hope so."

*******************

"Howie, it's ok. AJ was understandably hurt and emotional."

Howie turned to Cassandra, eyes blazing. "He had NO RIGHT to accuse you of trying to kill Amanda. Where the FUCK does he get off talking to you like that? Emotional or not, I can't believe him. I know you guys never hit it off, but to blame you for Amanda's accident is ludicrous."

Cassandra took his hands and led him to the sofa. "Sit Howie. You need to relax before you pop one of those veins that's bulging out of your forehead."

"There are NO veins bulging out of my forehead!" he snapped.

Cassandra giggled. "Did I hit a nerve?"

Howie growled. "Leave my deformations alone." He ran a hand across his forehead in a self-conscious manner.

"I love you, deformations and all."

Howie finally smiled. "I love you, too, meanie and all."

Cassandra laughed and stood up. "As much as I love our cheesy banter, I have to get to work. I'm doing some overtime tonight since I missed most of the day. I'll be back around 9:00."

"Alright. I'm going back to the hospital. I need to see how Amanda and AJ are. No matter how pissed I am, I still love him."

"I know, sweetie." She kissed him lightly. "Give AJ my love."

Howie smiled. Even after everything AJ had said, she was a trooper. "I will. Love you."

*******************

Brian saw Howie step off the elevator. A quick glance at AJ told him AJ hadn't seen Howie yet. Brian excused himself and walked rapidly towards the dark-haired man. AJ had told them about his attack on Cassandra earlier and how angry Howie had been. Hospitals weren't the place for arguments. Brian grabbed Howie's arm and propelled him down the opposite corridor. "D, we need to talk."

Howie snickered sarcastically. "I kinda figured by the way you came charging at me, but you don't need to manhandle me." Howie shook his arm free and laughed at Brian's expression. He didn't look amused. "Alright Rok, stop scowling. What gives?"

"AJ told us what happened earlier -- with you and Sandi. I just wanna make sure you aren't here to start a fight with AJ. This isn't the time or place."

Howie looked truly offended. "Shit Bri, gimme some credit, will ya? AJ's the one with the temper, not me, and I would never come here to purposely start an argument. I do have morals."

"Alright, sorry," Brian apologized. "I know you wouldn't, I'm just worried about AJ...and Amanda, of course."

"How's Amanda?" Howie asked. They walked back to the waiting room.

"Last we heard, which was about an hour ago, she was still unconscious. Her parents are with her now."

AJ looked up and frowned when he saw who was with Brian. Howie quickly put his hand out, as if to ward off any verbal attack from AJ. "J, I'm not here to argue or fight. I love you and Amanda and I just want to be here for you."

AJ searched Howie's face for a few seconds before letting his own break into a small smile. Howie knew he shouldn't expect more so he leaned back in his chair and made small talk with Kevin. Nick glanced his way, but didn't say anything. Leighanne, Denise, and Brian sat across the room, speaking in hushed tones. The air was fraught with tension which dissipated when Nick started telling sexual jokes.

"CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!"

"Dr. Martin to ICU STAT!"

AJ shot out of his chair so fast, it crashed backwards. "That's Manda's doctor!" he yelled. "Something's wrong...oh God!"

He made a beeline for her room, but his mother stopped him. "AJ, calm down."

"MOM! Something is wrong!"

Dr. Martin rushed by with several nurses in tow. Mr. and Mrs. Latona were ushered out of Amanda's room. Mrs. Latona was crying.

AJ grabbed her by the shoulders. "What's wrong? What happened?" She looked at AJ and tried to tell him, but her reply was drowned out by her tears. AJ broke out in a cold sweat. He let her go and looked at Amanda's father. "Tell me." His voice was deadly quiet.

"Her heart stopped."

In that instant, so did AJ's. He stumbled back, as if punched. His heart seem to plummet downwards, not stopping, never reaching bottom. He felt nothing. His mind took on a life of its own, sending him spiraling towards an abyss of pain. He heard voices coming from somewhere.

"...trying to revive her...."
"...Oh my God...is she gonna live..."
"AJ? AJ answer me..."

He couldn't form any words. He couldn't see anyone. He couldn't feel anything. He didn't even feel Kevin and Nick holding him up or his mother's worried expression. His head swirled and his eyes only saw bright lights.

Dr. Martin came out of the room towards him. Out of the light. AJ tried to focus. He heard his name and knew it was important, but he was scared to come out. Mrs. Latona asked the doctor something.

AJ snapped back to reality in time to hear the doctor's dire words, "I have some bad news."

He heard Amanda's mother's anguished wail. He didn't feel the floor as he hit it nor the scream that tore from his lips. He didn't feel anything.